I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
