i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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