That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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