I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ok first of all what the fuck
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
