I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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