i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
