big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
