Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
