i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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