I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
