I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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