i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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