South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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