I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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