Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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