So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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