He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
