ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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