If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
