We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
