I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
