dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
