Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
