You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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