the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
