Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
