Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
