you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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