i was born a porn star she said
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
