i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
