she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
