If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
