I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My feet surprised me
Randomize
