We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
handjob tips. give me some.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
