there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
