Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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