I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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