well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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