I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
