I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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