I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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