u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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