Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
