Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
