i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
