I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
