so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
