T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
NoShamevember. You game?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are the jesus of drinking
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
