I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
