How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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