Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
