Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
