just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
